I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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