its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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