Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
