i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
