i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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