so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
