i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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