I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
