And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
