i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
