she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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