I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize