I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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