I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
