Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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