then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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