He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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