i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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