I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
