My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
