I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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