Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
