I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
