babies were throwing up all over the place
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
