you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
