Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
