Only a mothe r could love this liver
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
