we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
