You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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