that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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