Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
