omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Operation Purity has been aborted
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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