Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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