I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
