We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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