So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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