those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
