Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
