i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
