What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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