I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
