spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
