So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
