its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
