we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
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