i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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