my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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