Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
