I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
