im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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