Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
