I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
