tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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