First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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