you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
