P.S. I can't hear my feet
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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