I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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