I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
