you traded sex for a burrito?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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