i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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