I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
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I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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