May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
