I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
