hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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