That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
