4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
