I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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