That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
